Ro-Sham-Bo

Had a Co-worker slip this to me while in the middle of Treatment Team today...the silent-tears-squeezing-from-the-eyes-shoulder-shaking laugh ensued..the meeting had already gone an hour over--much needed comic relief:

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

Dating Brussel Sprouts...

Wanted to share this with a few friends also in the dating conundrum. This was written by my friend Tara Savage (some of you may know) and can be found on her blog: Savagely Written.
"Dating is much like a restaurant everybody (everybody=married people) has been raving about. Not only are they raving about the restaurant, they're insisting that YOU SIMPLY MUST TRY the crème brulee. So, you, being a fan of crème brulee, head to the restaurant. The service is so-so, you place your dessert order:
"I'll have the crème brulee."
"Excellent choice," says the waiter.
You wait patiently, mouth watering, for this delicacy. The people at the other tables are enjoying the rich flavor and you can hardly wait. Your waiter comes with your plate, you look down, and what do you find?
Brussel Sprouts!
Puke green, slimy brussel sprouts! And you HATE brussel sprouts. So your friends (the same "everybody" I referred to earlier) tell you:
"You just have to go back. Eventually the waiter brings you crème brulee and it is soooo worth it!"
So you return again and again, always ordering crème brulee, always receiving brussel sprouts. You waste your money. You waste your time. And to make matters worse, you find out that going to this particular restaurant in hopes of crème brulee is a COMMANDMENT!"

Usually I like brussel sprouts, but you get the analogy ;) Small irony: I can’t/shouldn’t eat crème brulee because of the dairy…perhaps therein lies the problem??

The Calf Path

I tripped over this and it was too good to pass up. For all who feel they are winding down an insane path made by those before...JUMP SHIP!!! Take the road less traveled! I can say this because I need to follow my own advice of course! It's been too long since I've posted and this poem explains why :)

If you've never seen a calf path first hand you may not actually get the irony of the poem. Just another nod to my roots ;)

THE CALF-PATH

By Samuel Walter Foss

I

One day, through the primeval wood

A calf walked home, as good calves should,

And made a trail all bent askew,

A crooked trail, as all calves do;

Since then three hundred years have fled,

And I infer the calf is dead.

But still he left behind his trail,

And thereby hangs my moral tale.

II

The trail was taken up next day

By a lone dog that passed that way;

And then a wise bell-wether sheep

Pursued that trail o’er vale and steep,

And drew the flock behind him, too,

As good bell-wethers always do.

And from that day, o’er hill and glade,

Through those old woods, a path was made;

III

And many men wound in and out,

And dodged and turned and bent about,

And uttered words of righteous wrath

Because ‘twas such a crooked path.

But still they followed—do not laugh—

The first migrations of that calf,

And through this winding woodway stalked,

Because he wobbled when he walked.

IV

This forest path became a lane,

That bent and turned and turned again;

This crooked lane became a road,

Where many a poor horse with his load

Toiled on beneath the burning sun,

And traveled some three miles in one.

And for a century and a half

Trod in the footsteps of that calf.

V

The years passed on in swiftness fleet,

The road became a village street,

And this, before men were aware,

A city’s crowded thoroughfare;

And soon the central street was this

Of a renowned metropolis,

And men two centuries and a half

Trod in the footsteps of that calf.

VI

Each day a hundred thousand rout

Followed this zigzag calf about,

And o’er this crooked journey went

The traffic of a continent.

A hundred thousand men were led

By one calf near three centuries dead.

They follow still his crooked way

And lose one hundred years a day;

For thus such reverence is lent

To well-established precedent.

VII

A moral lesson this might teach

Were I ordained and called to preach;

For men are prone to go it blind

Along the calf-paths of the mind,

And work away from sun to sun

To do what other men have done.

They follow in a beaten track,

And out and in, and forth and back,

And still their devious course pursue

To keep the path that others do.

They keep the path a sacred groove,

Along which all their lives they move;

But how the wise old wood gods laugh,

Who saw the footprints of that calf!

Ah! Many things this tale might teach,

But I am not ordained to preach.

LAUGHTER is the best release!!

I can't sleep--could have something to do with the grave shifts I work that really throw off my circadian rhythms but let's not go there right now--so I thought I would share some absolutely fantastic things that have helped me through the last couple of weeks as I've been trying to wrap up this semester. Most came from viewing them on my friend's blogs or Facebook profiles but MAN I tell you what, all brought a smile to my face and oft times a tear to my eye from laughing!...and as most of you know, I love to laugh :D

1) This, unfortunately, is so popular that you may not have any luck getting through during the day time hours but it is worth persisting in your efforts! Call 1-800-295-0051. This is the Nestle Crunch Hot line. When you are asked if you want English or Spanish just wait quietly and smile--it may take a couple times of them asking but endure. After that make sure to press option 4. At the next menu listen to the options but know that a really great one is #7. Fair warning, the menu options are also voice activated so if you start laughing really loud it will interrupt itself and go back to the old, "I'm sorry, we could not understand you, please try again..."

2) I invite you to check out http://improveverywhere.com/ . On their homepage you will see "Mission Highlights" off to the right. Some of my favorites are...ANY of the Spontaneous Musicals, High Five Escalator, Human Mirror, No Shirts, Frozen Grand Central...maybe I was just in the mood but man, the musicals really got me :)

3) The next two are a duo because it's essentially the same thing...really funny pics. http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ and http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ . My Favorite part of the "People of Walmart" is seeing which state it's in by looking at the caption below the pic.

4) My friend Shannon Murdock's Blog...sorry folks, can't share this one, but man! You should write a book Shannon! Her husband Joey takes the most amazing pics as well!!

5) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qniwI2hNhDs SHEEP! Who knew! Just cool!

6) SOOOOo AWESOME! I want to do this someday...don't tell my mother! http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1778399&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1

7) So awesome! Reminds me of my dad's ingenious "jimmy-riggin"! http://thereifixedit.com/

8) I could cut and paste all the funny emails, articles, posts, etc., but I'm sure you get enough of those on your own.

9) And finally, last but not least, some of you may have seen me post this on FB already but it's worth a repeat!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQyYgFxRGxY Ellen's book is pretty funny too if you ever get the chance.

So there are a few of the things that successfully distracted me from doing my work. No worries though, it's all done now and I have a small break until Spring classes start.

Send me your funny, cool, interesting stuff so that I can stay equally distracted next semester :D

Psychic Phone!!

I was on the phone with my dad this morning--yes, I'm the typical daughter, I did have an agenda before I called but that quickly flew out the window when I found out he was up in the nether regions of WYOMING! Anyway, he gave the CYA statement of, "If my phone cuts out I'm sorry...please continue..." So there I was explaining to him that I was still sick and my head felt like it was going to explode and my eye wouldn't stop watering so I had decided to stay home from work and he was giving his condolences when the offending--BEEEP, beeEEppp, Beeep--of the busy/you've-just-been-cut-off-by-failed-technology signal was going off in my ear. I looked at my phone with disgust and there was a big warning box across the screen that--no joke--said "Congestion!" Of course that was the reason it was giving me for the malfunction but still!!! Normally it says "Call Failed!" or something! But no! I laughed/hacked up a lung so hard that I almost had to change my pants :) What's even better is right after that I found this link my friend had posted and it speaks to this very situation! I LOVE THIS LINK! Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXStPqhLmIk&feature=related

PS: I don't know how to just put the video on my blog page. When I go to "Add Video" it only lets me browse from my computer folder. If anyone is savvy to this technology fill me in!

Doff thy name? NEVER :)

Ahem...(exaggerated clearing of throat ensues)....I feel I need to make an announcement:

My beloved friend Tammie JEAN has brought to my attention that some may feel slighted upon discovering that "Jo" is in actuality not part of my first name; no, indeed, it is my middle name. (Gasp, awe, shock, horror)...

Just thought I'd clear that up for the official record. Apologies to those who may also feel they were misled. Most authorities agree that the full birth name as recorded on your birth certificate is the name that must be used for all calculations involving name. Nicknames, changed names including marriage name changes do not dilute the importance of the name given to you by your parents.

PEOPLE, a name is a name!! Granted, mothers dote over the ordeal for 9 months (some have thought about it since they were old enough to know where babies came from!) trying to determine what fate they will pin on their unborn child if chosen poorly. I, however, have witnessed many a mother, who undoubtedly held their little bundle of joy and whispered the name to be written on the birth certificate, yell that very name in its entirety at decibels recorded by the satellites they just exploded on the surface of the moon.

Some find it almost offensive or amusing when I introduce myself as "Jessica Jo." They lean back from the implied handshake with a smug grin and say, "Jessica then." To which I reply, "Sure." And then they doubt themselves, "Then what was it?" and they lean in again. I state, "Jessica Jo, to keep things less confusing." And thus they now remember my name because we have an entire conversation where they are trying to figure out if I'm just full of myself and can't drop some high school nickname or if I will be truly offended if they only call me Jessica, or Jess, or heaven forbid, Jessi--which only three people have actually called/still call me on a consistent basis: my dad, my deceased grandpa, and my step-dad...weird how that works out...if anyone else calls me that one I almost cringe.

Thus, when asked if it is a nickname the true answer is, "No." When asked if that is the name I go by my response is, "You can call me whatever you like." I actually think it's interesting to see how people choose to address another person by their name or some form of their name. To me it says a little something about the addressee's personality as well. Reason for the addition of the middle name you may ask...well, it started in college many eons ago (about 2001 to be exact) due to having far too many Jessica's in class. A professor stuck it on and that was the end of that. People simply didn't know you were talking about me unless you identified, "Jessica JO." I found it helped to minimize confusion at church as well (where there is always plenty of Jessica's to be had) so I stuck with it.

So, I am not ashamed to say I like my middle name and I am glad my mother gave it to me--Thanks Mom! (in reality it was the closest thing my father would let her get to Josephine so :) ...)

The webster dictionary definition of a name: 1) A word or words by which an entity is designated and distinguished from others. 2) A word or group of words used to describe or evaluate, often disparagingly. 3) Representation or repute, as opposed to reality: a democracy in name, a police state in fact. 4) a. A reputation: has a bad name. b. A distinguished reputation: made a name for himself. 5) An illustrious or outstanding person.

Choose whatever definition you think best fits for a "name" and then call me according to what you think fulfills that definition.

Giving a nod to the originator of the phrase, "What's in a name?" I now share the quote straight from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, circa 1594:

JULIET:
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Whithout that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

Take it or leave it folks, that is my name and I'm still the same person with or without the "Jo". I am an Aries, born the 12th of April, 1982. I need to go to sleep! I am sick after all! Alvetazane dear ones :)

Snuffle, Cough, Moan...

Ah, being able to stay home and do nothing...highly overrated! Why is it that when I'm sick and have a perfectly good excuse to be a lump on a log I absolutely do not want to! My skin starts to crawl and I pace holes in the floor right before climbing the wall! Best part is I have all this homework that needs to be addressed and of course it's the last thing to get any attention. Have I mentioned I've started crocheting a blanket...I know, I know, pick your collective jaws up off the floor. Jessica doing anything crafty?! Unbelievable--yes--but it's actually progressing quite nicely and I'll post a pic...when I get a little further :)

Being sick does have a few perks: Yesterday I was able to watch the 6 hour A&E version of Pride & Prejudice without the slightest twinge of guilt! And yes, I watched the new version today. I'll probably be talking with an accent in Old English style for a quite a while. At the risk of sounding like a complete couch potato, I did watch a few other movies too but none worth mentioning since they were just old chick flicks that just needed a re-watch. All in all I feel extraordinarily unproductive.

I did get out and take a nice little turn about a park we have close by; quite underused and under appreciated by the locals; mostly just used by dog walkers in the mornings but it has great little trails among some wild olive trees with a little board walk over a marshy cattail ridden area. Quaint and quiet...and right by the barn I used to keep my horse at, which I also happened to visit and subsequently missed my horse intolerably.

Truth be told it's probably kismet that I fell ill. Since I've happened to have time to really think it through, it's been since January of 2007 that I've been good n' sick! I give a nod to feeding horses most every morning as the reason for my long stint of good health, not to mention being exceedingly blessed! Sure I got a few sore throats and runny noses but nothing that put me out of commission like this. Thus my renewed drive to wake early and get a lung full or two of morning air--horses or not.

I've discovered a Catch-22 of sorts with being sick: You don't want others to catch what you may have so you try to keep your distance, but all you really want is to have someone give you a hug and say it'll be over soon or to sit and watch a movie with you or rub your shoulders or get you more water...There I admitted it, I like being doted on...but not smothered ;) hahaha, not too picky at all I know :)

EDIT: After a re-read I realized I made it sound like I was horribly poor and picked on, which is not the case at all! My mother would've been here in a heart beat if I would've let her, my dad n' Carolyn brought me over dinners and ran errands for me, and my sweet roommate brought her TV into my room for the aforementioned DVD watching and made me brunch...and just told me I may want to "brush up" a bit if I was planning on going out in public--ah, true friendship ;) one always needs someone around that can tell you when you look like a load of douche!